My name is...

Written by Mikolaj Franaszczuk

To the tune of: My name is... by Eminem

[Class chorus: repeat 2X]

Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. Ramin Zabih
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. Ramin Zabih
Ahem.. excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class
for one hour?

RAMIN:
Hi kids! Do you like scheme? (No no no!)
Wanna see me write a program with each one of my TAs? (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (No no!)
Try using set! and get your grade fucked up worse than your life is?
(Huh?)
My program's got bugs, I'm tryin to get it all straight
but I can't figure out which Letrec I want to implement (Ummmm....)
And Eli Barzilay says, "Ramin Zabih you da man!"
Uh-uhhh! "So why your eyes red? Man you need sleep!"
Well since age twelve, I've felt like I'm someone else
Cause I left my original self in the computer on my desk there
Got pissed off and tried to cap Bill Gates off
And smacked him so hard I knocked him to Seattle and Microsoft
I write a long program and lambda a lot
faster than Aleksey who makes the problem sets
C'mere Brandon! (Ramin, wait a minute, that's my TA dog!)
I don't give a fuck, CS212 makes me piss the whole class off!

[Class chorus repeat]

STUDENT:
My CS teacher wanted me to write a program in class
The only problem was that I didn't know how
I smacked him in the face with a keyboard, chased him with a mouse
and hit him in the head with until he said "ouch"
Walked in the office, had my program typed up
Showed it to Jeffrey, then sat down and sobbed
Course staff, torturing students
Taking off points while they scream: "IT'S JUST A SMALL MISTAKE!"
Ninety-nice percent of my life I was lied to
I just found out Ramin lies to me too
I told him I'd grow up to be a famous programmer
Make an operating system and name it after him (Oh thank you!)
You know you blew it when the TAs fail your prelims
and try to make you cry like some CS100 kid
This guy in my class asked for my code (Dude, can I get your code?)
So I gave it to him: "Dear Dave, it's got bugs in it, FIX THEM!"

[Class chorus repeat]

ELI:
Stop the class! This kid needs to be failed away! (Get him!)
Jeffrey, don't just stand there, USE EMACS!
I'm not done with Swindle, it's too buggy to leave
It'll have to be updated, with the tricks up me sleave
Should I use Swindle or C? I can barely decide
I just wrote a compiler -- dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very sleep-deprived
I ain't had a good meal in years, and my lambdas are too many to hide
Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk
I speak LISP when I talk, I'll write any code you want (C'mon)
When I was little I used to get so bored I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA WRITE THAT PROGRAM MOM? (WAH!) YOU AIN'T GOT NO SCHEME!
(WAH!)
I sit awake and strap myself in the chair
Run a Microsoft program and shoot myself in the head (BANG!)
I'm steaming mad (Arrrgggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my code? (Yeah?)
Check if its written in Scheme, cause that's the best mode

[Class chorus repeat]

Back to the Cornell CS Songbook