Much Ado About AOL

This is our first "large-scale" production, with a whopping FOUR people. With a cast this large, we can avoid the talking to yourself business that comes up with fewer people.

This time around, we chose to do Much Ado About Nothing.

Shakespeare0001: Ben Carr (Leonato, Conrade, Borachio)
Shakespeare0002: Walter Chang (Benedick, Don John, Antonio, Balthasar)
Shakespeare0003: Hubert Chao (Claudio, Don Pedro)
Shakespeare0004: Marika Olson (Beatrice, Hero)

Our target this time was the "Christian Singles" chat room, which had been seeing a lot of rambling. Let's see what kind of reaction we'll get from these people...

You have just entered room "Christian Singles."

Beautifu1Garbage: ugh...

bgblondeguy: Hello everybody

MrE d00d: hey all, my dentist told me to never lodge breath mints between your cheek and gum

Shakespeare0001: I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon comes this night to Messina.

BeerDrinkerHere: SNL is hilarious

SkIpPy1812: snl makes me sick

IAmTheException: i hate snl

SkIpPy1812: i dont see why so many people think its funny

BeerDrinkerHere: yeah it does... but i still watch it

Shakespeare0003: He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off when I left him.

KAS ZJENG: Dr E... why?

IAmTheException: in the same way people watch howard stern

BeerDrinkerHere: but i like a couple of the skits

Shakespeare0001: How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

BeerDrinkerHere: and the music

Beautifu1Garbage: i love howard stern

Shakespeare0003: But few of any sort, and none of name.

People notice briefly, but not a whole lot happens.

Shakespeare0001: A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.

MrE d00d: KAS, there's something in them that decays teeth or gums

Shakespeare0003: Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.

BeerDrinkerHere: um... okay Shakespeare0001 lol

tropicanaatheist: ::for written transcription listen to it again and start writing::

Let's fast forward a bit to when they do start picking up on things...

Frozen Vomit: jesus fucking christ what with all the novels in here?

BeerDrinkerHere: tv in other room... brb

MrE d00d: Shakespeare0004Ignora

bgblondeguy: STARS RULE!!!!!

Shakespeare0004: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours

Frozen Vomit: everything everyone writes is about 50 words long

Frozen Vomit: good fucking go

Shakespeare0002: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's name; I have done.

Frozen Vomit: godddd

Frozen Vomit: tooooo

Shakespeare0004: You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

Shakespeare0003: That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month; and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

Frozen Vomit: see!

Shakespeare0001: If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.

Shakespeare0001: Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

Frozen Vomit: are you guys like, rehearsing a play or something?

musicmaka78: hey people

Frozen Vomit: or am i in another calvin klein cologne ad?

bgblondeguy: anybody here wanna just chat not ramble and just hope somebody is listening

He gets more and more aggravated by the power of the Bard, and starts responding to our Shakespeare...

Shakespeare0003: Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

NuttyTrace: HI Skippy

Frozen Vomit: whats with all these weirdos in here talking like we're in the 18th fucking century?

Shakespeare0002: I noted her not; but I looked on her.

inner hate: cause we are...

SkIpPy1812: i was about to read but... hi

Frozen Vomit: oh

Shakespeare0003: Is she not a modest young lady?

Frozen Vomit: i knew that

Shakespeare0002: Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

Shakespeare0003: No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

Frozen Vomit: nay sah, she is not a modest young lady

Shakespeare0002: Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little for a great praise: only this commendation I can afford her, that were she other than she is, she were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I do not like her.

NuttyTrace: I have like half of the people on ignore because they were typing so much junk

Shakespeare0003: Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me truly how thou likest her.

notjarbs: lol nutty

SkIpPy1812: good 4 u dear

Shakespeare0002: Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

Shakespeare0003: Can the world buy such a jewel?

Frozen Vomit: twas but a mere fornight back that i was travling crosst a moor, and what should i see yonder but that young lady fornicating with your donkey

NuttyTrace: hi not

Shakespeare0002: Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take you, to go in the song?

This is becoming quite amusing for the four of us...

Shakespeare0003: What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonato's?

SkIpPy1812: *once

Shakespeare0002: I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

BeerDrinkerHere: lol skippy

Frozen Vomit: these guys are like...... pasting

Shakespeare0003: I charge thee on thy allegiance.

SkIpPy1812: grrrr

Frozen Vomit: they dont even know what theyre saying

BeerDrinkerHere: i thought you were saying oboe

Some people ignore us, others choose to react a bit more colorfully...

MrE d00d: okay all 18th century chatters on 20th century ignore

Shakespeare0003: Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

Santone006: whats with the swearing

Frozen Vomit: no shit mre

Shakespeare0003: You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

BeerDrinkerHere: she told me she was going to go out and drink ROFL

Shakespeare0003: By my troth, I speak my thought.

notjarbs: again, who is jen

Shakespeare0003: And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

notjarbs: is she like laine

Frozen Vomit: if theyre gonna sit and be fops im gonna sit and swear like an old woman on crack

SkIpPy1812: lol@jen drinking

BeerDrinkerHere: no

Shakespeare0002: And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

Here's a good stretch of material... first we're fingered as bots, then...

MrE d00d: Vomi, I think they're bots. Colonialbots

inner hate: woosan, you listening to snl?<

Shakespeare0002: That I neither feel how she should be loved nor know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake

Frozen Vomit: me too

BeerDrinkerHere: um... now i am

Shakespeare0003: Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty.

Frozen Vomit: down with the musketeer bots!!!!!

BeerDrinkerHere: i've seen this before

Frozen Vomit: I SLAY THEE!!!

inner hate: god this is funy

BeerDrinkerHere: ROFL

Shakespeare0003: And never could maintain his part but in the force of his will.

Frozen Vomit: ::runs Shakespeare0003 through with his rapier::

MrE d00d: haha

Shakespeare0002: That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

SkIpPy1812: i need to become famous... get lots of money... and have a mesuse

Frozen Vomit: ::runs Shakespeare0002 through with his rapier::

BeerDrinkerHere: grrr at the book

Shakespeare0003: I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

Frozen Vomit: ha ha, engarde ye scurvy scum!!!

Shakespeare0002: With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of blind Cupid.

BeerDrinkerHere: grrrrrrrr

Shakespeare0003: Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument.

Shakespeare0002: If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder, and called Adam.

Frozen Vomit: Shakespeare0002, are you and Shakespeare0003 exchanging 15th century marriage vows?

notjarbs: ::jumping from room::

Shakespeare0003: Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.'

MrTorresJr: I must have clicked on the wrong button...

BeerDrinkerHere: what the heck is the stupid cut and paste crapola?

Frozen Vomit: "i swear i will never giggle at your nipples when its cold out..... nay...."

Shakespeare0002: The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they write 'Here is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

SkIpPy1812: *clickclickclickclickclick CLICK CLICK*

BeerDrinkerHere: lol frozen

Shakespeare0003: If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

Santone006: I love Jesus!

MrTorresJr: I was looking for the CHRISTIAN SINGLES.

Shakespeare0003: Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.

NuttyTrace: Mr torres

Shakespeare0002: I look for an earthquake too, then.

SkIpPy1812: mr torres....

BeerDrinkerHere: nay lol

Frozen Vomit: the savage bull may run across the field and fuck you up the ass with its horns BIOTCH

SkIpPy1812: take a left

Frozen Vomit: "nay sah"

SkIpPy1812: stead of a right

Shakespeare0003: Well, you temporize with the hours. In the meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made great preparation.

Santone006: who in here loves Jesus!

NuttyTrace: If you'll hit ignore on all the freaks it will be easy to see the christians

SkIpPy1812: third dore on the left

Shakespeare0002: I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage; and so I commit you--

Shakespeare0003: To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,--

Frozen Vomit: "have you any poppets goodwife proctor?" "nay sah, i hav no poppets, i havent made them since i was but a girl"

Shakespeare0003: The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.

MrTorresJr: Nutty....thanks.

NuttyTrace: welcome

MrE d00d: poppettes?

musicmaka78: any nice resonable christians in here up for a chat?

BeerDrinkerHere: um it's skippy

Frozen Vomit: "i spy a poppet there goodwife proctor" "oh shit- i mean, that isnt mine!"

Shakespeare0002: Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere you flout old ends any further, examine your conscience: and so I leave you.

Shakespeare0003: My liege, your highness now may do me good.

NuttyTrace: I am a christian

Frozen Vomit: a poppets another word for "doll"

Quite productive. We're completely drowning out everything with our little production.

SkIpPy1812: he was talking to nutty

MrTorresJr: It sounds like Shakesphear is in the room.

BeerDrinkerHere: no.. sorry

Shakespeare0003: Thou wilt be like a lover presently And tire the hearer with a book of words. If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, And I will break with her and with her father, And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

[ ... snip ...]

MrTorresJr: freaking speed typers.

[ ... snip ...]

MrTorresJr: how can anyone keep up.

inner hate: no

SkIpPy1812: *stares at the wall*

BeerDrinkerHere: on snl?

Frozen Vomit: with viagra!!!!

MrTorresJr: or have a decent conversation.

inner hate: yeah!

inner hate: they rock!

BeerDrinkerHere: ROFL

Frozen Vomit: ::downs his viagra to keep up::

We start becoming a royal Shakespearean nuisance.

Frozen Vomit: so i could shoot your annoying ass

MrE d00d: ha!

Shakespeare0002: There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the sadness is without limit.

Shakespeare0001: You should hear reason.

Frozen Vomit: wow Shakespeare0002, youre like plato or something

Shakespeare0002: And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

MrTorresJr: the way what does Lataz mean?

BeerDrinkerHere: when they imitated tom cruise.... it was hilarious

NuttyTrace: f

NuttyTrace: Laters

Shakespeare0001: If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.

NuttyTrace: Or Later

Cherrybug101: Hey to all

Shakespeare0002: I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what I am:

MrTorresJr: gotcha.

NuttyTrace: Just the way i say it

BeerDrinkerHere: I"m 50

MrTorresJr: thanks.

Shakespeare0002: I must be sad when I have cause and smile at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humour.

BeerDrinkerHere: lol

SkIpPy1812: i think ye old weirdos need to go make ye a shakesperian chat room....

Shakespeare0001: Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controlment. You have of late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is impossible you should take true root but by the fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful that you frame the season for your own harvest.

Cherrybug101: a/s/l????

SkIpPy1812: or go read by candle light or somthing

Shakespeare0002: I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain.

SkIpPy1812: just LEAVE

Frozen Vomit: "the hammer is forever falling, the grain forever growing, when the work is done it is forgotten, and therefore infinite"

Frozen Vomit: now thats a quote!

Shakespeare0002: I am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.

Beautifu1Garbage: too many people on ignore

NuttyTrace: 18/f/new orleans

BeerDrinkerHere: or go to a poetry reading

At this point, we're being ignored by most people, except for our old friend Frozen Vomit.

Frozen Vomit: boredom is the product of a boring mind

Frozen Vomit: with that said

Shakespeare0001: I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

Frozen Vomit: IM BORED!!!!!!

MrTorresJr: :-$=-O:-):-\:-$:-(:-*:-!:'(;-)>:o:-[:-X:-DO:-)8-):-P

Frozen Vomit: that fucker has my font!!!!!!!

MrTorresJr: :-$=-O:-):-\:-$:-(:-*:-!:'(;-)>:o:-[:-X:-DO:-)8-):-P

music4ever99: Demen...almost anything

DEMEN420: cool

Shakespeare0002: Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself to unquietness?

Shakespeare0001: Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

Frozen Vomit: by inch by loaded memory

Shakespeare0002: Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

Shakespeare0001: Even he.

Frozen Vomit: hold your light

Shakespeare0002: A proper squire! And who, and who? which way look she?

SkIpPy1812: *grabs a blanket and a pillow and my teddy bear and falls asleep in the unpopable inflatable chair*

Frozen Vomit: 11 lead me through each gentle step by step by inch by loaded memory

color me goofy: this is really pretty gay

Shakespeare0001: Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

DEMEN420: Shakespeare0002 ......what are you talking about

MrTorresJr: :-$=-O:-):-\:-$:-(:-*:-!:'(;-) >:o:-[:-X:-DO:-)8-):-P

Shakespeare0002: A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

Shakespeare0001: Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

I think pretty much everyone is ignoring us and has stopped responding. Oh well.

IAmTheException: now a room shotgun would come in handy

IAmTheException: nevermind, he left

Frozen Vomit: hahahahaha

Frozen Vomit: no shit

Frozen Vomit: i got the 4 shakespearians on ignore

inner hate: 4?

inner hate: i have 3.

Frozen Vomit: they can "nay" and "forsooth" and shit to themselves

Frozen Vomit: Shakespeare0002, Shakespeare0001, Shakespeare0004, and Shakespeare0003

inner hate: i think Shakespeare0004 left..

Frozen Vomit: no hes still on my list here

LilyBud06: Hey Mikey

mr cruel shoes: found the ignore button got a vacation from the 4 dipshits

We stopped shortly thereafter.

Some people just can't appreciate art...